Wednesday, July 29, 2009

schedual for seeing kelsi...

A good friend of mine found this on the ground the other day...

"Schedual for seeing Kelsi"
Sunday: No limit
Monday: dont see her
Tuesday: No limit
Wens: alternate no limit/ limited to meeting only
Thurs: No limit
Fri: don't see her
Sat: alternate limited to meeting/ no limit

Poor girl...she's probably sitting at home on Monday and Friday wondering why he doesn't call....

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Strangest Conversation In The World...

I think of all the billions of conversations that take place all around the world every day...the strangest one is this:

"Sweetheart...I've been thinking a lot lately...annnnd...
I think we should name him "Dick"."

"Oh, Honey! That's perfect!"

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Best Man

I think it's strange that we call the best man the "best man" at a wedding...don't you think that's a bit rude to the groom...shouldn't he be the "best man"... you'd think it would give the bride second thoughts too...I mean if HE is the BEST MAN, who's this guy next to me saying "I DO"!

Sunday, April 19, 2009


I think if I ever decided to become a counterfeiter...i would make $1 bills and quarters...that way people would be less interested in trying to arrest me and I would have a lot of quarters to do laundry...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Indoor Plants...

I was at the nursery the other day and asked a salesperson if they had any indoor plants and he said..."There's no such thing as an indoor plant."...Good Point!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

New Rule...

I would like to implement a new rule for a very common daily problem...that is the problem of the "lost call". You're on the phone chatting gets "lost"...where?...who knows...immediately both callers begin dialing only to receive a voice mail message...people who you are really in sync with IE: best firends...lovers...this could go on for days... as you both try to call each other at the exact same second. New Rule: whoever called the other person originally should be the one to call again. And that's the rule!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Bumper Sticker...

I think a good bumper sticker idea would be...

"I'm Winning"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


One of the first rules of improvisation is to never say "no"...for instance if your stage partner says "would you like a pickle?" you are supposed to say "yes" to keep the action moving...If you were to say "no" then the action would end... there is nothing left to do except argue back and forth... not very interesting for the audience or the actors...I am also a firm believer that this rule carries over into life... saying "yes" will keep things moving and shaking in your life...obviously there are times when you cannot possibly say yes or when it would put you in danger...but as a general rule... i think yes is generally best.


Even though oatmeal is reminiscent of sludge...i still think it is delicious...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I think my Ipod has a crush on me...because everytime I turn it tries to seduce me by playing all of my favorite songs back to back.

The Winner...

I love it when a guy holds the door open for me...because then it gives me a head start...and then i beat him and I am the winner.

Monday, March 2, 2009

100 Underrated things to ponder...

This blog is in response to James Gunn's blog "100 Most Overrated Things Of All Time"

...which although I found to mostly be true I also found slightly offensive (as he mentioned most of my favorite things which makes me feel unoriginal...and I hate feeling unoriginal) here they are, in my opinion...

"The 100 most UNDERRATED things as of Now (not of all time)" ...some of these things were once accurately rated, but in my opinion have, to our disadvantage, become under appreciated...

100. holding hands
99. bowls
98. Patricia Clarckson
97. wearing scary costumes on Halloween (as opposed to sexy costumes)
96. suspenders
95. the Dustbuster
94. "The Jerk" (the movie)
93. the jerk (the dance)
92. croutons
91. wednesday nights
90. using correct punctuation
89. mailmen
88. eating breakfast for dinner
87. giving homemade birthday cards
86. "Anchorman"
85. not having a tattoo
84. Popsicles
83. carpooling
82. double stick tape
81. indoor/outdoor cats
80. machiattos
79. "True Romance"
78. flossing
77. sincerity
76. pencils
75. natural beauty
74. the great feeling after getting an oil change
73. large vocabularies
72. the spare button
71. Eric Wareheim
70. "Crash Test Dummies"
69. post-its
68. carrying a flask
67. dating someone your own age
66. instant oatmeal
65. naps
64. David Krumholtz
63. the 99 cent store
62. "Flight of the Concords"
61. Giuseppe Arcimboldo
60. honey as a sweetener
59. taking the bus
58. Beverly D' Angelo
57. bees
56. Lisa Frank
55. colorful clothing
54. giving mix Cd's as gifts
53. "Marcy Playground"
52. the tambourine
51. making out
50. "House of Yes"
49. the checkout boys at Trader Joes
48. water
47. "Gremlins 2"
46. Lawrence Welk
45. balloon animals
44. the Bedazzler!
43. faking it
42. puns
41. "Mean Girls"
40. "Sparks" (the band)
39. Sparks(the beverage)
38. "Innerspace"
37. vitamin B12
36. speedos
35. bowling
34. Galileo
33. bicycling as a main form of transportation
32. shoelaces
31. narwhals
30. saffron
29. woman's' sports
28. artichokes
27. learning from the elderly
26. garbage men
25. downtown Los Angeles
24. breathing
22. beets
21. urinal cakes
20. handwritten letters
19. fire
18. "Tron"
17. covens
16. fabric softener
15. bowling
14. Brussels sprouts
13. comic books
12. "My So Called Life"
11. the wheel
10. Ringo Star
9. porcupines
8. quality toilet paper
7. going dutch
6. "Mudcrutch"
5. The Clapper
4. etiquette
3. the asterisks
2. Elvira
1. And the number one underrated thing....
The Lost City of Atlantis....definitely not enough coffee talk going on about that whole mystery!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Fact Time...

Fact: There are more trips made to the emergency room from slicing bagels than any other type of accident.

Friday, February 20, 2009


If you think no one cares if you are alive...try missing a couple of car payments...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Things That Don't Exist...

Things That Don't Exist...
1. shoes made out of butterflies
2. fish food for humans
3. nag champa flavored toothpaste
4. "Feng Shui for your aquarium" books
5. checks with Satan on them
6. riveting 3rd grade math books
7. tropical punch scented deoderant
8. chop sicks that are good at chopping
9. teeth massages
10. fake freckle injections
11. velvet toilet paper
12. a mathematical equation for love
13. funny parking tickets
14. tequilla flavoered ice cream
15. address books with the addresses already in them
16. makeup for trees

Friday, February 13, 2009

Sleep Camping...

Is there such thing as "Sleep Camping"? know...when you fall asleep in your bed... but at some point in the middle of the night you unconsciously pack all your camping gear in the car, drive off into the woods, pitch your tent, build a fire, tell a ghost story, pack up the car, return home and wake up in your bed with no memory of the adventure... because...number 1. That would be really cool...and number 2. That would explain the 40 some odd bug bites I woke up with this morning... I "Slept Camped" last night....maybe???

Friday, January 23, 2009

A Good Horoscope...and Even Better Advice...

Every now and then you get a horoscope that really makes sense and allows you to breath easier...This one is mine for today, but I'd like you to take this excellent advice for yourself.

"Have you been spending too much time exploring new things and not spending enough time with the tried and true? There is nothing wrong with where you are now, who you are with now, and what you are doing now -- so enjoy the moment. Sometimes, focusing too much on your next steps in life only keeps you from appreciating where you are right now. Being content is not a sign of having no ambitions in life -- it just a sign that you are wise and happy. "

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Urban Art...

Just a little urban art for the soul...


Scuff Mark...

Can you see Falcor, The Luck Dragon in this scuff mark on the bathroom door...???


See??? His tongue is sticking out and he's flying through the air...!!!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Little Light Reading...

The other evening I took a moment for a little light reading found on the inside of my matchbook...this is what it said...
"Explore a world of incredibly good taste with safeway select great escapes ice cream. A delicious and indulgent departure from the ordinary ice cream itinerary..."


...interesting thing for a match book to say...but okay...