Things That Don't Exist...

Things That Don't Exist...
1. shoes made out of butterflies
2. fish food for humans
3. nag champa flavored toothpaste
4. "Feng Shui for your aquarium" books
5. checks with Satan on them
6. riveting 3rd grade math books
7. tropical punch scented deoderant
8. chop sicks that are good at chopping
9. teeth massages
10. fake freckle injections
11. velvet toilet paper
12. a mathematical equation for love
13. funny parking tickets
14. tequilla flavoered ice cream
15. address books with the addresses already in them
16. makeup for trees

Sleep Camping...

Is there such thing as "Sleep Camping"? ...you know...when you fall asleep in your bed... but at some point in the middle of the night you unconsciously pack all your camping gear in the car, drive off into the woods, pitch your tent, build a fire, tell a ghost story, pack up the car, return home and wake up in your bed with no memory of the adventure... because...number 1. That would be really cool...and number 2. That would explain the 40 some odd bug bites I woke up with this morning... I "Slept Camped" last night....maybe???

A Good Horoscope...and Even Better Advice...

Every now and then you get a horoscope that really makes sense and allows you to breath easier...This one is mine for today, but I'd like you to take this excellent advice for yourself.

"Have you been spending too much time exploring new things and not spending enough time with the tried and true? There is nothing wrong with where you are now, who you are with now, and what you are doing now -- so enjoy the moment. Sometimes, focusing too much on your next steps in life only keeps you from appreciating where you are right now. Being content is not a sign of having no ambitions in life -- it just a sign that you are wise and happy. "

Urban Art...

Just a little urban art for the soul...

Scuff Mark...

Can you see Falcor, The Luck Dragon in this scuff mark on the bathroom door...???



See??? His tongue is sticking out and he's flying through the air...!!!

A Little Light Reading...

The other evening I took a moment for a little light reading found on the inside of my matchbook...this is what it said...
"Explore a world of incredibly good taste with safeway select great escapes ice cream. A delicious and indulgent departure from the ordinary ice cream itinerary..."



...interesting thing for a match book to say...but okay...

The Cutest Dog In The World...

Today on my way to work I saw... the cutest dog in the world...I'm sure I have used that term loosley in the past and if i could take it back I would... because this time... it was actually and literally.... The Cutest Dog In The World.

Yard Sale...

A lovely friend of mine just taught me a new term... and low-and-behold it's on
urbandictionary.com...

Definition of "yard sale":
When a skier or snowboarder eats it on the slopes and loses all of their gear. If a skier loses his skies, poles, hat, goggles, and anything else, shout "YARD SALE" from the ski lift above him.

Love it!

"Turkey will always be the main event at my house..."

I know it's probably bad blog karma to criticize one's blog in your own blog...BUT............
For an entertaining evening...i highly recommend gathering a few friends and reading from Gwenyth Paltrow's blog aloud...

Here's an excerpt and a link...
This is for real....

Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is, without a doubt, my favorite holiday. I love when everyone comes together and celebrates the idea of gratitude, something we all mean to do every day, but seem to lose sight of most of the time. I also love the cooking – the days of planning and chopping and basting. This year, I decided to work out three variations on the traditional meal: a big group, a small gathering and a cozy dinner for two.
Turkey will always be the main event of Thanksgiving (at least in my house) and a whole turkey is the way to go if you’re feeding at least 12. But if your party is smaller, the stuffed turkey breast turns out to be a great halfway point. Brining it overnight insures that you don’t need to baste it and it has a quick cooking time. Why should things be any less festive if dinner is just for two? I came up with these stuffed turkey burgers which were a giant hit in my house. They are the perfect solution for anyone who isn’t feeding a big group (or for a big group that wants to try something different!).
Mostly, make sure that no matter what type of meal you are having, you take a moment to think about how much you do have (health, love, friendship, passion, perspective, appreciation, intellect, reason, kindness) and reflect on how you can share more of it with others.
http://www.goop.com/

Popular...

Wish I would've know this guy...he must've been REALLY cool...!

Time For a Shout Out...

This guy...



It's easy to take for granted this little man... who can spew scalding hot water within minutes of turning a knob on the very coldest of L.A. mornings...but I like to say a little... "thanks Mr. Water Heater..." every time i get to wake up to his glorious warmth...

Now if we could just work out the whole freezing toilet seat situation...

Another Airport Story...

So I was all ready for airport security...no guns...check...no liquids...check...it came time for me to go through the "metal detector".
I hate this part...i always feel like if it finds some metal I'll get zapped or something.
It reminds me of when Atreyu goes through the Southern Oracle and you wait with bated breath to see if his heart is pure enough that the Sphinxes don't open their eyes and zap him.

I think about that every time I go through airport security.

Anyway...I'm pretty sure I am completely metal less and I walk through...but i guess I walked a little funny...I think I almost ran through out of irrational fear. The security guy on the other end wasn't having it, and said....
"I need you to turn around... go back through... and this time...walk normal."

I had failed.

I went back to the beginning. At least I was being given a second chance.
But I was stumped...which one was "normal"? I can do a limp, I can walk like a gorilla, I can show you an old lady with a cane...but for the life of me i couldn't remember "normal"...the pressure was definitely on.
I gathered all the knowledge I could as to how "normal" people walk... and I went through again... this time...in slow motion...and...on tiptoe.
The security guy shook his head...but knowing I was a lost cause told me i could grab my bag and move on.

My Favorite Quote of the Day...That I Said...

Upon meeting some new people...

"Hi...it's nice to meet you.........sorry...it'll take a minute or two for me to come out of my shell...then you're really gonna miss that shell..."

Soap...

It's ironic...one of the most difficult things to clean up is spilled...soap.

A Wonderful Birthday...

You know what would be really funny... to throw a party on someone's birthday and invite them without alluding to the fact that it's their birthday... then when they arrive tell them it's an intervention for them and have the guests be really concerned... then when the guest of honor is real down in the dumps and ashamed have evryoine say "Just kidding...Suprise Happy Birthday!" They'll be so relieved that they don't have a problem that they will have a wonderful birthday!

Don't be Schmeil!...

What if the word "late" was changed to the word "schmeil"...???

"I'm sorry I'm so schmeil, I couldn't find my keys."...
"I'm running a little bit schmeil, but will get there soon."...
"Don't be schmeil!"...
"My period is schmeil...sure hope I'm not pregnant."

I think the world would feel just a tiny bit lighter...

Traffic School...

so i've been taking online traffic school lately...you know... just to brush up (and to get a red light photo ticket off my record) and i've been noticing some pretty funny stuff...
Here is an exact questions i was asked in order to move onto the course three...
True or False?...

1. When you encounter someone driving the wrong way on a one way street, you should block their path with your car in order to protect other drivers on the road.

A. True

B. False

By the way... the correct answer is False. I really hope you got that.


Here's another driving tidbit to remember...

"Use your horn to warn others of your presence or of an impending situation. DO NOT use your horn to express your emotions (i.e. anger, rage, disappointment)."

HONK HONK!! "I'm sooo Dissapointed in you!!" Hahaha.

And my personal favorite quote in course one...

"Backing up against the flow of traffic is foolishly risky."
"foolishly risky"...that's sooo cute!

I'm Confused...

I'm confused. Whenever the millenium was brought up in the 1980's and 90's... there was always talk of shiny futuristic metallic clothes... Here we are almost a decade in... NO metallic clothes what so ever... I guesss we really misjudged that.

Good Advice...

Not sure what to do with your life....? follow these two simple guidlines and you should be fine...

Smiling Food...

What does it say about our society that we are not phased when eating something that is smiling back at us...?




I mean...look at this guy....i want to hang out with him....not eat him...