Don't be Schmeil!...

What if the word "late" was changed to the word "schmeil"...???

"I'm sorry I'm so schmeil, I couldn't find my keys."...
"I'm running a little bit schmeil, but will get there soon."...
"Don't be schmeil!"...
"My period is schmeil...sure hope I'm not pregnant."

I think the world would feel just a tiny bit lighter...

Traffic School...

so i've been taking online traffic school lately...you know... just to brush up (and to get a red light photo ticket off my record) and i've been noticing some pretty funny stuff...
Here is an exact questions i was asked in order to move onto the course three...
True or False?...

1. When you encounter someone driving the wrong way on a one way street, you should block their path with your car in order to protect other drivers on the road.

A. True

B. False

By the way... the correct answer is False. I really hope you got that.


Here's another driving tidbit to remember...

"Use your horn to warn others of your presence or of an impending situation. DO NOT use your horn to express your emotions (i.e. anger, rage, disappointment)."

HONK HONK!! "I'm sooo Dissapointed in you!!" Hahaha.

And my personal favorite quote in course one...

"Backing up against the flow of traffic is foolishly risky."
"foolishly risky"...that's sooo cute!

I'm Confused...

I'm confused. Whenever the millenium was brought up in the 1980's and 90's... there was always talk of shiny futuristic metallic clothes... Here we are almost a decade in... NO metallic clothes what so ever... I guesss we really misjudged that.

Good Advice...

Not sure what to do with your life....? follow these two simple guidlines and you should be fine...

Smiling Food...

What does it say about our society that we are not phased when eating something that is smiling back at us...?




I mean...look at this guy....i want to hang out with him....not eat him...

Relax.....

"Relax...it's only a movie!".... is a button my grandma used to keep by her bed...it used to really freak me out...like...if it's only a movie... why do i have to do anything?

Attention Shoppers....

This is the best time of the year to buy a bathing suit... they are on sale and haven't been completely weeded through yet. So go ahead... give yourself something to look forward to while we endure yet another long harsh L.A. winter...;)

"Spare a Quarter"...

As if we need any more proof that costs are rising...but there's a homeless guy in my neighbor hood who has been asking for change the same way for as long as i've lived in LA... I call him "Spare a quarter" guy... he always says the same thing with the same toothless grin... "Spare a quarter?"... yesterday outside of Trader Joes... even HIS costs are going up as he said to me... "Spare a dollar?"!

Test Your Legal Knowledge...

One of the pictures below shows something illegal to do in a Ralph's shopping center... and something legal to do in a Ralph's Shopping center... can you guess which is illegal....?





You are incorrect... riding around in the motorized shopping cart which is typically reserved for the elderly and disabled is LEGAL... taking photographs of your friends having a jovial time in a Ralph's shopping center is ILLEGAL...go figure...

Please...

Please don't put clothing on your pets. Thank you.

No gum...?

Have you ever been to Target and just bought 1 item...? betcha you haven't...In fact I recently asked my local Target checker if he has ever seen this.... he said...

"Just one item...with no gum....?"I said..."just 1 item with no gum...no magazine... no last minute impulse buy of a $7.99 Titanic DVD...1 item...you ever see this?"... He said no.

My Slightly Evil Thought For the Day...

Today I had at least one slightly evil thought... As I was putting a flower pin on my lapel (in order to hide a small pasta stain)... i wished...just for a second... that is was one of those flower pins that would squirt water into peoples eyeballs...

Adorable Trash Can...!

This trash can has a little pony tail... Adorable!!!

Favorite Movie "Quote"...

Ok... i know it's kinda long to be a Quote Unquote "Quote"... but I love this quote...go ahead... read it in your best Brooklyn accent...

"No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest. "

No Floor...!

Here's an excellent and cheap alternative to a burgler alarm... nobody's gonna break into your house with this on the front door!

Sunset Junction...

Sunset junction street fair...for some: a festival of music food and friends...for others: an ex boyfriend parade...

Cute Problem...

You know those websites like ask.com... well i found this guys question and just loved the idea of this man sitting down at his computer with this little problem...

"one day i passed a bakery store in a mall (which i visit frequently so i passed that bakery so many times) and i noticed that they've changed the name from 'bread story' to 'bread tales'. so when i met up with some friends and i told them (rather enthusiastically) that the bakery had changed its name. and they all looked at me like 'why are you telling us that?' or 'is that important?' is it not something you usually tell people? i have problems figuring out what to say sometimes so i figured i might say something that i saw earlier that day but it seemed like people don't like it."

It's such a cute problem...

New Movie by Little Brother...

This one is my favorite so far...

2 Curlers...

My big sister and I are three years apart... when we were growing up she was kinda mean... i look back and think that I am a stronger person today because of how difficult she made my childhood at every possible turn....and i would thank her.
That doesn't keep me from blogging about the suffering she caused me 17 years later...
Please see a letter that i wrote to her asking a very simple favor...
(Celeste, May I please borrow 2 curlers just 2 curlers, that's right just just 2 curlers. I will give them back on 3-16-91. If they are not on your desk by 3:00 then I will owe you $5.00. Please consider it! Thanks, Nicolette P.S. you are absolutly right...just 2 curlers!)
then she said...
(That doesn't make any sense. Why would you give me $5.00 if the curlers weren't on my desk)

She then asked me to give her some reasons why she should let me borrow 2 curlers... see below...
(1. because I am your cute sister.
2. you have about 13 and i have 3.
3. because you love me
4. and because I am giving you stickers! by the way I am running out.)


No. I never received the curlers... in case you are wondering.

in the head of an insomniac...

am i awake…? shoot. go to sleep.. you have to work early…ok 1…2…3… sleep. am I asleep… ? i’m hungry… string cheese sounds good… I wish string cheese would come if I call it… heeeeere string cheese string cheese string cheese… ok that’s ridiculous… go to sleep… I should take karate… did I set my alarm…? did I make sure its am and not pm? What am I gonna do tomorrow night? I have nothing to wear… I should go shopping…. I have no money… did I pay my rent? Shhhhh, go to sleep….count sheep or something… I wonder who invented counting sheep? Why sheep? Probably cuz they look like a pillow but so do bunnies and we don’t count bunnies. Mmmm string cheese…. I should do community service… man… I spend a lot of money on rent… I wonder how many homes I could have already bought…. I should buy a house…go to sleep! I wish I was really good at ping pong… Don’t forget to call mom tomorrow… maybe I should write that down…maybe I should just wake up and do something… I could read a book… I should read more…I don’t have the energy to lift the book to my eyes… how is it I’m not tired enough to sleep… but I haven’t the energy to lift a book….? Go to sleep…where’s my car…?i need to go to the dentist… ok breath, you’re stressing yourself out…what was that sound!? Probably my cat… breath..no one is going to kill you tonight…. Relax and go to sleep…. I wonder if my cats think they have a nice life? I should play with them more… I should travel….sleeeeeeep….what time is it? no. don’t look at the time cuz then you’ll stress out and never be able to sleep…it’s probably not as late as you think anyway… or what if it’s REALLY late? Shhhh…relax your toes..ok breath into your ankles... realax your legs...…? yeah. I’m definitely hungry… maybe that’s why I can’t sleep… my body is waking me up cuz it needs nourishment… the nourishment of string cheese….shhhhhhhh….. ok breath in and out in and out…..in and out… in and…..out….in….and…………….ou